Ugh

You know that sick feeling you get when you start on a fix, get about halfway through it and then finally admit that no, this is not working out and really you need to just kill the insane number of hours you've put into it already and start over?

No?

Perhaps you are not a Type A personality then.

I remember coaching an artist friend of mine about this a few years ago. The conversation was about anatomy and how it was unfortunately very simply wrong on a certain drawing. It could be fudged sure, and maybe it would be overlooked by a casual observer on a single glance but even an untrained eye would notice that something was very simply not right. Maybe they wouldn't be able to pinpoint what exactly was off but they'd know SOMETHING was. And I said (because these words were just doomed to come back and haunt me):

"Sometimes you just have to say its done and wrong and be willing to throw it out and start all over again. I know you've put hours upon hours into working on it. I know you're in love with the idea of it. I know you want to be able to fix it, but sometimes to get what you intended you just have to be willing to throw it all out and start over."

And yeah, my Tempest? My Tempest is there.

Sure the patches would work. But I would never be happy with them. I can see them and I don't like them. I really really don't like them.

The fabric this yarn created is beautiful and I'm ruining it with sloppy attempts to salvage a sweater that doesn't fit.

The idea of tearing this out makes me feel physically ill. For one thing I covet this yarn in a way that's hard to really quantify. Its SPECIAL in a lot of ways and its already been CUT. Which means to undo all my work I'm going to have to pick out a lot of woven in ends, ball up dozens of smaller bits and then reskein them so they can be washed and reknit. When I redo the sweater there will be a dozen times the ends needing to be woven in (And here I thought the first time was miserable).

But the alternative is a sweater I don't love or even necessarily like. One that doesn't fit and that makes me feel sloppy to wear.

And that depresses me even more than the idea of reknitting the whole thing. This yarn and I both deserve better than that.